My Little Me & The Start Of #FitWithJacq

So as my last post showed I have some big news! I am going to have a little me!! I don't know if it will be a boy or girl yet, I'm just praying for a healthy baby. 

I am also going to be trying really hard to get back into being more healthy, because with a Baby on the way I need to stay as healthy as possible!
I'll be starting a weekly series on this blog called #FitWithJacq and hopefully by the time the baby is born we are both healthy and happy! 
Have you had kids? What should I do to prepare??

The One Where She Finds A...... BABY???

Yup! That's right folks I was almost an Instant Mom today. In Fact if America were anything like it used to be I probably would be a mother right now. I was at the mall today, not spending money (For Once) but to meet up with my Aunt who was in town and as I was leaving, alone and early due to a migraine brought on from trying to write a paper in the hour before the class, on a book I never actually read more than one chapter of, I noticed something strange, an expensive baby stroller was sitting by the garbage can. It looked like this:





I was surprised because well it looked like a rather new stroller and they aren't exactly cheap. So I being the nosy type of person I am walked over to look in the front thinking it must be ruined inside somehow. I wasn't in fact there was the most adorable little girl asleep in the stroller. I was shocked. Remember this was by a GARBAGE CAN! I looked around but didn't see anyone that could possibly be mommy or daddy, so I decided to wait with the stroller and give them a piece of my mind for leaving the baby alone. TWENTY minuets later and yes I timed it. Still no Mommy or Daddy. I was super shocked and when she woke up I was a little concerned because, there was no diaper bag or food or anything for her, I am estimating that she was at most 7 months old. I saw someone I knew and asked them to go get the police that patrol our mall for me.
When the officer arrived I explained to him that I had now been waiting forty minuets in the hot sun with the baby and no parent had arrived to claim her. He took her into custody and we both were wondering about the fact that several people had to have passed her before me, and someone would have a\had to have seen Mommy or Daddy leave her, so why did no one say anything?
If we were still living during the time of my paper, that I had the migraine from, I would have told the officer that because her mother had left her, I would raise her and if the parents contacted the police to tell them I had her. But we aren't and I didn't and walked off wondering about whether the mom was ever found.

Sunrise.... Its a pretty thing...

So I wanted to start this off with a small note:

I am not a pessimistic person by nature, in fact I am the complete opposite. Kensei is allways joking with me that the reason we go to gether is the whole oppisoites attract theroy. He, who sees the glass as half empty and me who sees half ful equal one glass. or something like that. Which is why the thoughts in my head this morning were completely out of character for me.

Now this morning for me is technically Sunday morning, because of my working schedual now. I was driving home and looking at the sunrise as I passed under the I-77 bridges. In the sunrise they are painted with pinks and golds, its actually very pretty. But today it made me sad.

I had a doctors appointment on Saturday. I went to the doctor for the physical, she wouldn't give me my birthconrtol pills until I did. I have gained twenty pounds, which is odd considering I lost ten last visit which was two weeks before, and so I have gained the 10 back and then 10 more. not good. Then on top of that when I just got out of highschool at 17 I was diagnosed with PCOS, which for those who don't know can cause infertility as it progresses. I had a very advanced case for a 17 year old. Which for a girl who wanted nothing more than a VERY large family was a blow. As my doctor was very suprised to know that I did not have a perscription for metformin and clomiphene which according to her I should have been started on at 17. that was six years ago. She plans to start me now but she says it could have made me a little better off.

Kensei and I discussed my fears back then, but the conversation made him very uncomfortable, (He doesn't like it when girls cry) I have not really ever brought it up. Which leads him to think that it is okay to joke about it, and then I just play along.

But back to this morning, Like I said I am usually a very happy person, but driving home this morning listening to country music (I know not the best choice) I started thinking about what life would have been like if I had done things different, been different. what if I hadn't been diagnosed with PCOS? What if I had said yes when I was 16 and Kesnei asked me to run away with him? Would I have a big family by now? Would I have gone to college? Would We have been happy? What would my kids be like? What if I hadn't agreed to wait until I had graduated to have kids? I only did because of the PCOS I knew i would have to get fertility treaments to have kids so I figured I would wait and have more money so I could. Then I started thinking about all the kids in the world. Why do people who don't want kids have them? Why do I have to worry, when they can have kids like rabbits?

I got home, took a sleeping pill and went to sleep. Still depressed and sad. I know about adoption and I want to, I've always wanted to, a little boy or girl, espically form China, or India. But I still want kids of my own, i want to know how it feels to have a baby.

I am making myself sad again, and I know not that many people read my blog so hopefully I won't lose the few readers who do! I hope you all have a great monday!