Friday, June 04, 2010



This past week has been a pretty bad one for me when it started I was optimistic, but scared. Then I was worried, and then Random, and then upset and sad.

I still don’t know what is going on in the job world but that is another topic for another time.

my mother is moving out today. this makes me happy. it is not that I don’t love my mom, because I do, it is more that there are times when I just feel like I am her mom and not the other way around.

If anyone needs a little back-story into my mothers and mine relationship I had this letter to  her about a year ago.


She has not changed much from that time. She still talks to D*** even sends him nasty text messages… I know because she accidently sends them to me sometimes,  and now has a new boyfriend and she is moving herself and my baby sister into his house.


She was angry with me when I met the now boyfriend, she brought him into the apartment and he looked at me and then started going through my movies, and I felt all my anger rise out and “Did you know she is still married” spilled out before I could stop it. His face went kind of red and then he called for mom.

I just want to scream, she is teaching my sister all sorts of horrible things! For years I have been like a mother to Jujube and to my own mom. I paid the bills, when I had the money, and got it if we didn’t. I made the food, and bought the groceries and now I can’t do anything to fix this.

I am glad she is leaving and that makes me sad, this is my mom… I have seen people I read about on their blogs and friends whose relationships with their moms are things that I see in TV shows.. when mine is more out of a lifetime movie.. which I don’t even really like.


She still hasn’t finalized the divorce with my father, but it doesn’t matter to her.

When she ran into the Pastor’s Wife, she was furious because she was all gushing about how she was moving and  the new house this and Jeff that and the Pastor’s Wife flat out told her “you are living in sin, I don’t care about what you are so happy about”


I just don’t know what to do and if I say anything to her I might let everything out and then I would never talk to her.. which is sad because she IS my mother…


Raven said...

Relationships with our moms can be so difficult. I have major issues with my mom too, though they are different from yours. Like you, I'm afraid to tell her how I feel for fear I'll let everything spill out and we'll never speak again. Even though they are difficult, they are still our moms, right?

I hope that things work out with you and your mom. Wishing you all the best,


Wednesday said...

I can understand about the having a mother straight out of a lifetime movie thing. You love 'em, but something is always wrong and your heart has ached so long for them that it feels as if it's just going to stop beating. It's pity and anger and love. And it hurts more than it feels good.


Hugs to you. It is not my Mom like this...but I do have a few family members with similar stories. I don't know what the healthy thing to do is....but I do know that I get very upset when I think about it too long. Sadly, you can't stop others from being self-destructive. You impress me as a very caring person.

twirl unabashedly said...

sometimes, you just have to keep things and certain people at arms length. despite who or what they are.

i'm sorry that you have mom issues. those are the worst, especially for daughters. i determined a few years ago that my mother doesnt LIKE me. she probably loves me out of duty, but i dont think she likes who i am.

i recommend you spend a lot of one on one time with jujubee. she will probably need you the most.

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