Thursday, January 06, 2011

Trying Not To Cry

Quick Warning…. This post is to get my emotions out there, If you want to be mean DO NOT COMMENT.. also I do use bad words… something I do not usually do so if that offends you don’t read please.

 

So the day started out great.  I wen tout last night with M, we had dinner and then went to karaoke, I had so much fun, didn’t sleep all night.

Then M came to my work this morning to keep me company and herself awake and things were going great until my phone rang.

It was my mother…. now I love my mom… I honestly, truly, really do LOVE her… I just don’t really LIKE her…  Our relationship has never been very good. But things had been better since she moved in with her new boyfriend… kinda.

My mother lies a lot… I mean a whole lot, she also “Borrows” money from people’s wallets and other things, which is why when she told me that the money my Papa  had left me when he passed was almost gone because my Uncle, (Who had just died) spent it I was skeptical to say the least, apparently out of the 5 thousand I had been left only 1,500 was there. but I was okay with that I can get a decent car for that price… in fact I’ve found one that looks great for 1300…

So I was all set to go talk to this guy about that car today when my mom called me at work.. she told me that she needed the money for hospital bills, because she has tumors in her uterus and they might be cancerous and if they aren’t removed then she’ll die. Now my mom is a very dramatic person, so I only believe half of what she says usually, but my papa died from brain tumors, and my grandmother (her mom) died of cancer so it is plausible.. and what kind of person, and daughter would I be if I didn’t let her use the money? She could be telling the truth for once… but what if she’s not? What if she just wants the money again like usual? She has taken so much money from me over the years whether by asking or “borrowing” that I just don’t know.

I am letting her have the money of course, but I feel betrayed and hurt and I shouldn’t feel this way… I should be worried about my mom and I honestly can’t even work up the worry right now… because I don’t know if it’s true…

God I sound like a selfish bitch… 

anyways I apologize for the rant, and selfishness and bitchyness of this post… I will try to be back to my upbeat self tomorrow.

5 comments:

FemminaDaVinci said...

Wow, that's a tough situation. Maybe offer to go to her next doctors appointment with her? If she's lying then she wont want you there? Just a suggestion.

I hope everything turns out well for her if she really does have tumors.

Mamarazzi said...

this is a seeerious bummer. i am sorry your mama is a bit of a mess. good for you for taking the high road and for using your blog to rant, its a good safe place and i think you will find you are not alone!

HUGS!

~Haley~ said...

Angel, I am not saying this to be mean, so please don't take this the wrong way... but SHAME ON YOUR MOTHER!!!! At every hospital in the United States, there are programs & payment plans for people who can't afford to pay their entire bill. It may not be the ideal way to pay, but I don't have insurance, and I use this method whenever I need a procedure done. There is certainly no reason she should have taken your ONLY money to buy yourself a car. I hope that your day got better, but I just can't imagine going through that. I'm thinking of you.
xoxo

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Okay.

So I am going to share something with you that I don't share often.

My mother is a recovering alcoholic. That said, alcoholics tend to lie a lot to get what they want. And it sucks. Because I, like you, love my mom. And I like her a lot too. When she's sober. When she was drinking I hated her. Because she did things that hurt our relationship. I learned the hard way that you need to not do things to enable people like that. Because as long as you do they will continue to take advantage.

I promise I'm not saying this to be mean. I totally feel you and for a long time I enabled my mom because I felt bad for her. But in the end, she will continue to bring you down as long as you let her.

Don't let her bring you down. She needs to learn to survive on her own.

Mandi said...

I was just passing through your blog and your Mother sounds a lot like my Mother so I wanted to comment.
I'm sure you've cheered up a bit by now but I wanted to tell you that you have really good reason to be skeptical over anything she says. You're not a bad person and definitely not being bitchy.
Anyway you have a really interesting blog and I'll definitely be following you :) Love the pink layout too!

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